Hi,
My name is Zoty79, and I lost everything in my life but my faith.

Currently, I am 45 years old, with nothing left but a tiny overpriced apartment and bankruptcy, with 4 Euros left in my pocket until the end of the month. I have some rice and tomato sauce left until next Wednesday, when I'll get paid again.

How did I end up in this Situation?

Some facts about myself:
- I grew up in a very poor and aggressive family when I was a kid ( lots of alcohol and abuse)
- I was always ashamed of my mother because she always smelled like alcohol and smoke when she took me in the afternoon from Kindergarten and then later in school
- When she was drunk (basically every day), she used to beat me up
- I didn't know my real father back then, and I had a stepfather, but he left us from time to time, because he couldn't handle my mother anymore. When he came home from work late at night, my mother just started cooking. Obviously, he became angry about what my mother accomplished or didn't accomplish the whole day. So he left for a few weeks, which made my mother angrier and sadder, which resulted in her beating me up again.
- When I was around 7-8 years old, I visited my classmates' home and realized how nice such a home can be, if it is clean, and how good a woman or mother can smell, if she is an everyday woman.
- After visiting my classmates' home, I realized I need to get out of my environment and leave my mother, if I want to have a solid future.
- When I was 8 years old, after a big escalation again, I ran away from my mother until the police found me on the streets after I gave up hiding.
- From then on, I lived with my grandparents until I became 16. My grandfather was a proud Hungarian and an engineer.
- I finished school, and in the meantime, my grandfather and stepfather died
- When finishing school, I was there with nothing but my faith.
- All I wanted to become was a drummer or actor (I love movies, they always inspire me and give me hope. I played in relatively good bands, with some form of success (radio airplay, etc.)
- As time went by, I started to study at 2,6 and I lost my mother to lung cancer when I was finishing my studies at 30 years old.
- I met my real father on Facebook when I was 26 years old. But we are lightyears apart. He lives in Hungary, and I live in Germany. But more importantly, I have faith, I am a big believer in work, possibilities, success, failure, learning....
- When I finished University, and when I had overcome the loss of my mother, I started to work in a call center for businesses. As a Hungarian, I didn't get a well-paid job at a German company, except for the low-income job at the call center.
- But I kept grinding, and at 37, I got hired by an American company I was working for through the call center.
- After I lost my job there, I got hired by another American Company and worked for them 7 Years, and had a 6 Figure income.

-I met my wife when I was 39. She didn't have a college degree or whatever, and didn't work. I still found her nice, and I thought, If I help her, all will be good.
- Fast forward, it was the worst time of my life. She did nothing, just complaining, drinking, smoking, complaining about Immigrants that come to Germany, she was driving me crazy. In that period, I had several panic attacks, high blood pressure, and on top of that, atrial fibrillation (it is one step before a heart attack.)
- I paid for everything: house, car, supplies, holidays. My wife demanded more and more, and I took credit to be able to finance all that in the hope that one day she'll be quiet, and I can focus on work again.
- But it got worse and worse.
-So I took 6 weeks to make a big decision and didn't talk to her in that time, because I knew her family, and she is very sneaky, and they can lie.
- I announced the divorce, and one day, her family was there, her father was threatening me, and everybody had their phones ready to record.
- I called the police, but what happened is disgusting. They told the police I was mentally abusing her (even though I didn't speak to her for 6 weeks) and I had to leave my rental house and go. That day changed everything.
- I had lost my home, my home office....and then my job.
- I went to a beautiful place in Germany, but where I had my motel, the Internet and phone network were so bad that I couldn't work. And then all the paperwork I had to do because of the divorce. I wasn't able to work properly anymore and lost my job last year in November.
- Besides that, I had to declare myself bankrupt.
- When we arranged the day for picking up my stuff from the house, her parents where there, and they even wanted to steal my TV. I knew that beforehand, so I kept the key for the room where my TV was. They closed the door and told me, they can't hand me out the TV. I opened the door with my key without letting them know. They called the police, but the police was this time on my side this time, because I was able to prove that I bought that TV before our marriage.
- When her Father screamed at me, that he is paying now for everything, and I told him the fact that the German state pays currently for everything, and I know it because we always get a copy of every letter, the only thing he could answer was:" You shitty Hungarian"
- Things escalated with our lawyers, and my wife was lying so much in those letters that I completely lost my mind, and full of pills and alcohol, I went into my car and drove it into another parked car. I lost my car, my driver's licence, and I am sentenced now in Germany. This is not good for my job if I want to work in Sales again.

Fast forward:
- I am playing Poker for roughly 10 years, breakeven, I would say.
- I was thinking about my time left on this planet, because I am 45 now. I have no money, no Job, no future in this Job as long as those things are in my police record for the next 2 years, but I am secured for the next 8 Month financially, it is not much, but it is enough to survive somehow.
- Also, I don't want to live in Germany anymore. Germany gave and took everything from me.
- And, I want to feel the thrill again, life, and so on.
- I don't know if I can make it in Poker, but I definitely have the time now to give my best.
- I am no genius, or whatever, just a regular dude, who always had faith
- And I want to change my environment, meet new people, and just live my life on my own terms at 45 when I have nothing to lose anymore
- I sacrificed too much of my life to fulfill the dreams of others.

Let's see how this blog will go. I'll let it go wherever It goes.

My main stake is currently NL20: I started this year in April with 130 Euros. My roll is now at 900...and we will see.

Sorry for my English, but it isn't my first language, and sorry for this blog, but all the feelings and emotions are just coming out. I'll try to make it nicer, and with experience, it should work out.

And this is the place where I am currently living and trying to survive my divorce :)