Zoty79

Sorry guys, can't upload them currently, and it is too late. I'll do that tomorrow!

Alright guys, I’m back. I honestly don’t even know where to start, but a lot has happened. The interesting thing is, when I read through my older entries—specifically Musashi's rules—I realize I’ve actually gone through all of those stages. So I might break things down here according to those five mental rules.

So, what happened? Before I get into the rules: I was sick, or technically still am, but it’s being treated now. I have sleep apnea. Sleep apnea basically causes the frontal cortex to shut down—which is the exact area of the brain responsible for assessing risks. Everything that happened to me played out, among other things, under the heavy influence of untreated sleep apnea. But let’s take it step by step.

My sleep apnea treatment started on May 5th, and about three weeks later my brain slowly started functioning again. That’s when I realized that under my current living conditions, there was absolutely no way I could play poker successfully. I had actually told myself last year that I’d see how things went until this summer, and if it wasn't working, I’d have to pivot my strategy. And that’s exactly what I’m doing now. Or rather, that’s exactly what I’ve done."

Also, owing to my financial situation, as well as the divorce and everything else, I actually figured out that I’m not allowed to play any poker for a whole year—basically until around mid-August 2027.

So I thought to myself: okay, maybe I’ll start off by taking a part-time job in my old field. I can do that from home, just four hours a day. That way I’m meeting all my obligations, but I still have plenty of time and energy left over to actually study poker.

If you look further up in the thread, there are the five—or well, six—rules from Musashi. Let’s start with

rule number one:

Accept hard reality. And that’s exactly what I did. Especially after reading and listening to several audiobooks, including The Compound Effect. The author mentioned that you have to acknowledge and accept your mistakes 100%. And honestly, everything that happened to me is completely my fault. I should have known—or actually, I did know—that things with my ex-wife weren’t going to work out. But whatever, it happened. I made the mistake, and now I move on.

But what’s way worse—and this is a really tough confession to make—is that I did the math today. Over those seven years while working for that American company, my ex-wife and I burned through €250,000. I have no idea where that money went. I didn’t buy drugs, I didn’t order escorts, I didn’t do anything like that. The money is just gone. I didn't even gamble or play it away at the poker tables. It’s just gone. Fine. It’s gone. And on top of that, there are debts. It's absolutely insane. But like I said, it’s my fault.

To be completely honest, that money was what I should have been able to save. I easily could have spent—and did spend—money on top of that. And to be frank, before all of this went down, I had discussed everything with my wife—well, my ex-wife now. I told her I needed support, and that this was how I envisioned things as long as she wasn't working. And she agreed to everything. I also gave her the chance to try out whatever she wanted, but in those four years, she didn't try a single thing. Nothing. With that €250,000, if we had just... ah, whatever.

It doesn't matter. I should have known better, but I made a mistake, and I'll get to that later. In any case, I've accepted and acknowledged now that all of this was 100% my fault. I should have known it better

The second rule states

Stop relying on debilitating comforts. And that's exactly what I did. I completely quit drinking. I quit smoking. I stopped eating stuff just because it tastes good, and instead, I only eat what provides my body with the right nutrients. Thanks to that, since May, I’ve gone down from 85 kg to 78.7 kg. And I’m keeping it going."

Rule number three states that your emotions are your true enemy. This was spot on for me, both in my personal life and in poker. I’d argue that mindset is actually the single most important factor, and my mindset was always my weakest link. Naturally, my poker game suffered because of it—especially when making those super light calls where you know you should fold, but you call anyway.

Of course, the untreated sleep apnea played a huge role in that, too. But I’ve now actively taken steps and found a therapist for Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). What’s great is that this behavioral therapy is heavily grounded in Stoicism. I’m starting it now to actively master my emotions, and while I’ve already seen some solid wins on my own, the official therapy is just about to get underway."

Rule number four is actually one of the most crucial rules of all, and it’s the exact rule I’ve followed with ruthless discipline. I bought myself an e-mountain bike. I’ve been riding through the mountains, talking to countless people, and truly experiencing nature. I even picked up art again. I used to do graffiti until I was around 20, so I went ahead and got myself a blackbook and some markers, and started drawing again. Honestly, it’s so much fun.

I even measured it: whenever I’m drawing, my resting heart rate drops down to 50 bpm. When I’m not drawing, it sits back around 65. But again, this was—and still is—one of the absolute most important principles. At the end of this post, I’ll drop a few photos of everything I’ve seen and experienced. It’s been nothing short of amazing, and it has done wonders for my mental development up to this point."

Rule number five states that strategic gratitude is a powerful weapon. And that’s precisely what I’ve put into practice. I focused entirely on working with what I have right in front of me, and I’m genuinely grateful for it. Right now, I essentially have all my options open. The only real change is that I can’t play for a year, but that means I get to spend an entire year studying in peace. I’ll touch on what’s changed regarding my approach to learning at the end."

Rule number six states that you can never go back to being who you used to be, nor should you ever try to. Because the person I was back then is the exact person who led me to where I am today.

It’s really tough when you realize that your family doesn't actually have your back, and the people you thought were your friends don't truly support you either. But what’s even more important is that I’m 46 now. My old friends only really knew me from parties. Very few people actually know how much I’ve changed and what I’ve been through. So, I gave up all those old friendships. I’ve been on my own here for a year and a half now. In the beginning, it was brutal, but now it feels genuinely good because I can focus completely on myself.

I ride my bike at least five times a week for two hours or more. Just recently, I rode 100 kilometers to see my psychologist—50 km there, 50 km back. I was completely wiped out by the end, but I really loved the feeling and I’ve also been going to physical therapy to get better on the the bike with better posture. I am completely rebuilding myself—mentally and physically. For the first time in a long time, when I look in the mirror, I actually like the person looking back at me. That is massive for me.

I have now completely cut off contact with my parents after experiencing something that I don't tolerate from anybody anymore. I called my dad, because I wanted to check in on him. But after 20 minutes of talking, he attacked me because I hadn't literally asked, 'How are you?' right at the start. Look, after working for an American company for seven years, I learned that 'how are you?' isn't usually meant literally; it's basically just a 'hi' or 'hello'. Then, 20 minutes into the call, he dropped on me that he has three types of cancer, adding, 'and you don't have cancer'. He was actively trying to make me feel guilty. He claimed I didn't care about him at all, after I had already gone through my mother dying of lung cancer and had to endure all of that. And he didn't help me. He had already cancer , and got well again, but didn't live a lifestlye that would have supported to stay healty. 2 years ago at Chrismas he got so drunk, that he broke his bone and cut his face and had a smile like Joker from Batman. It was christmas eve and I had to deal with it and I braught him to the hospital and spent 6 hours with him just to hear from my Stepmother, that we should die because of what happened. I told her on the phone not to make a scene when we are back because he is drunk and it wouldn't help. But she did. And after my personal crisis I offered them to move to hungary because I knew what the end of that story will be. But they were Idiots, and couldn't read between the lines and told me I have to earn it to come home and bla bla. And here we are now. Wouldn't it been better I would be at home and we could walk the last walk with him together?

That was the hardest thing to accept: that my old environment had been dragging me down my entire life. You probably know how it goes when people say stuff like 'you're not normal' or 'oh, you always think you're so smart'. I always shrank myself down. I always thought something was wrong with me, especially having had such a difficult childhood. But I’ve finally realized that there is actually nothing wrong with me. I just had to cut those people out of my life once and for all, and that’s what I did. I’m completely clearing out my life—focusing on every detail, even looking at how minimal Japanese apartments are structured and what effect your environment has on your brain when doing tasks. It is really crazy.

So, what’s the plan for the future? The plan, of course, is to keep working on myself. I’m taking everything seriously now—health, and poker too, which is heavily mental. I honestly think a lot of people underestimate just how much of an edge you can generate through mindset, and that’s really where I see my biggest opportunity.

I have all the learning tools I need, and what you can do with AI these days is unreal. I actually built my own Poker Dojo with Gemini, which is mind-blowing. The strategy now is to spend a full year studying. I’m also going to learn database analysis inside out. I'm going to tear apart my entire database using dedicated software. I’ll master that, and maybe down the line, I'll even offer free database reviews here for others—breaking down their stats and showing them where and how to plug their leaks.

One thing I wanted to add about learning: ever since I stopped playing, studying has become so much easier. Concepts just click way faster. All that playing stress, especially when you’re dealing with heavy personal real-life shit like I was, completely wrecks your focus. It feels incredible to actually grow and evolve every day, and for the first time in a long while, I'm genuinely positive about the future.

I’m not even sure what kind of updates I’ll post next, but right now, I’m going through a transformation deeper than anything I’ve experienced in my life. I’m finally happy again, focused, and positive.

To wrap this up, here are a few photos from my summer—the summer that truly helped me transform and set me on this new path.

Hahah, yeah, I definitaly took it too far. After 2 days of studying one spot with my mate we discovered so many things we are doing wrong or not at all. But hey, the quality of your input produces the quality of your results.

So good luck to you as well :)

Good afternoon everybody.

I just wanted to give a quick update. And I am not afraid to brag about bad results as well. Not everything goes perfectly along the way. And I think these are the situations where everybody and myself can learn the most from.

Results
My Results are not good. I started with a 130 Euro Bankroll, running it up to nearly 1000 Euros. Then I went back to 400, back to roughly 800, again down, again up, and currently standing at 430 Euros after 11 Month of intense studying and "some " playing.

After I talked with my pokerfriend, and reflecting on my current approach, we both came to the conclusion, that I immidiately need to stop binch watching poker videos on run it once.
We both started to focus on PIO solver end decided to train everyday together. I cleary lost focus and the understanding of the importance of grinding PIO to understand spots and subtle changes a lot better.

We already started to work together, and we discovered already some big leaks we both have.

As soon as the first week of our training is done, I will post the most important findings and this is how I will continue with this blog.

Have a nice weekend,
Zoty79

Thank you Simon. Yes, the disantvantage we have as humans in gerneral is, that we are more afraid of losing anything then anything else. Maybe it is a good idea to go bananas from time to time for 5 minutes to get used to it.

Thanks,

Simon, fantastic video. The problem I face is, that If I get called or 3bet when I bluffraise, I get discuraged, and don't bluffraise enough as a consequence. Did you battle with that problem as well, and how did you counter it?

Thanks,

I was a very helpfull video. I definitaly need to practice combocounting on the fly.

This video was spot on. Now I understand the underlying concepts of overbetting a lot better.
Thanks,

Alexandra, thank you for this video as well. I really like your thought process.

Thank you for that fantastic follow up to the previous one.

Cheers,

Ok, thank you!

Hi Tyler. Thank you for that interesting video. I really enjoy it.

Thank you Simon. I like this kind of videos. Really good.

Hi Simon, you are very exited to kick this of and so am I :)

This was an excelent Video. Btw, I don't know whether you'll prepare for the next topic the point I would like to point out here, but I think, I am not the only person who is struggeling on the turn to keep barreling, even though I am very aware that I should,that I am afraid that villain check/shoves on the turn and I don't know whether I can call, with an small overpair or 2nd or 3 pair. It would be nice If you could cover this topic in one of your videos?

Thank you
Zoty

Hi Alexandra, thank you for that video. I've learned, that I need to study 4 bet pots.

Thank you for your post. Very nice. Yeah the thing with the redline is a difficult one. And it is obviously correct, and also in my case, that I need to find those thin valuebets and I am getting better with it from day to day. But after analizing my redline, I came to the conclusion, that I lose more bigger pots then winning small pots. An that is definitaly something I have to change. There are 2 possibilites in my Opinion, but maybe I am wrong, but still. I think I need eather to lose less bigger pots with non showdown, or I need to win more small pots at non showdown. Losing bigger pots can occur preflop, so too many or bad 4bet bluffs, or too many bigger Pots i have to fold on the river due to bad play on flop and turn.

Also, I am based in Germany, and currently I can just play on one site due to different reasons. But the rake is ok, obviously high, but not a disaster.

Currently I play more often then not 18/17....but my stats are around 22 / 18.

Regarding my wife: Uhh...that is a difficult question. Very very difficult. I am Hungarian and living and grown up in Germany. And yes, unfortunately that matters a lot(she couldn't say to me " I love you" in Hungarian" after 4 years but the German Girlfriend of my very good Hungarian friend speaks nearly perfektly Hungarian after 7 years of learning in school etc. just for her Hungarian friend and his friends, who are also Hungarian. Maybe, I had really just bad luck how my Therapist said, but would I still like her? No. Definitaly not. I mean she can be nice, and she was also good looking. Let's say it that way. She is definitaly not prepared for life, and that's her mother's fault. Period. I come from a very difficult childhood, and I know exactly what you need in life to become a relativaly normal person. And this isn't and wasn't given in her upbringing. I am sorry for her, but I am not her Therapist, and I have the right to live with a normal person, and i don't owe anything to anybody (sometimes yes).

Besides Poker I have a lot of other things I love. Cycling, camping ( bag is already packed, but it was too cold at night to go, but from today we'll have better temparatures at night. Gardening ;) but also music. But I stopped music after the band broke up even though we were played on radio stations and seeing interest from a record label in UK. And I love also acting (played serveral roles in amateur theaters, had proffessional training on how to speak on stage, which had a positive impact on my work when I had to present in front of a few couple hundert sales guys :)And I think life is like a big movie with a lot of roles to play. I was a musician, the movie nearly had a happy end, but the end of the story was a different one for the audience. The I decied to become a proffesional salesguy. And finally I made a career out of it. But due to my divorce I lost my job. And now it is time to play the role of a poker player ;) And I really love it. Yes it is difficult, it is frustrating, but playing a role perfectly is a difficult task and you need a lot of training to make a good movie out of it :). If it doesn't work out, who cares, I can still go back to a company and play then that part of my movie again. But now, i love the thrill, the feeling to be alive, the unknown of the story. Will there be a happy end or not? This is the most interesting and enyoable part of the journey.

Cheers,
Zoty

Frankie, thank you for that very interesting video. Seeing the world how it actually is is difficult to master.

Zoty.

Hi Alexandra, thank you for that video. I've learned a lot again.

Thank you Chris, this was a nice video as well.

Thank you, you are currently out of scope for me ;) I play NL20

Starting late afternoon or in the evening. I am a morning person, waking up always between 7:30-8:30...so Starting between 12-2:00pm is the best for me.If I start later, my day is already at the end.

Hi Luke, thank you for that video again. A lot of interesting spots.

Thank you Jan for that nice video. I am also in the phase, that I found out that I play my best, when I start at 12:00pm, even though that is the worst timem, I play my best. So even I like it or not, I have to adjust and start at 12:00pm.

Hi Chris, thank you very much for that detailed answer.I'll check that definitaly now out. I try to be fully present the next days and check, how I feel when I play. Also, playing tighter is a great advise, when not playing my A-Game. Thank you , thank you.

Dddogkillah Thank you man. Having a stop loss is a good point when you care about it. But in that moment I just didn't care. I cared for over a year. But the frustration just erupted like a vulkano :)

Hi, I was thinking a lot about your question to get an answer what really is going on, but the answer is a bit difficult. In that moment when I punted off all the stacks I would say I felt helpless and hopeless at the same time. In that moment I just gave up and didn't care about the consequences because If I care nothing changes. I am currently hitting my head against a wall. It doesn't matter what I do, study, drill, plan, analyze, I don't get just one foot ahead of the other. So I thought let`s end this misery now. That is what happened.

And to the question if I want to avoid bigger consequences like all works out and I can leave that country here.....but then I would have to deal with different uncertain and threatening situations, maybe that could be the case, but I don't really belive it.

I have a good poker friend, and he said that I need a mental game coach more than a technical coach. He said my understanding of the game is ok, but not my mental game. And maybe that translates into my decision making during the play over a longer period of a time. Yesterday for example, I felt, that I played very good. I was fully present, my eye on all stats etc, laying down bigger hands preflop due to extreme tight 3bet ranges. But that is just one day. On the other days, most of the time I play bad somehow. When we review my hands even my poker friend can't explain, why my results are so bad. It seems like , I bluff in the right spots, I exploit tendencies bla bla bla. But when we look at my graph, it tells a complete different story. And that creates huge cognitive dissonance in me. We don't get it. I had now nearly 1 year to do nothing else just wake up, eat, study a lot (running sims etc.) and play a bit and Improve. And nothing changed. It even got worse, I became a solid loser on NL10 and NL20. And I was never a loser in poker, I wasn't a big winner, but at least I got to NL50 and was a winner there with half of the efort. It took back then also a longer time, but I always saw some sense in playing poker. Now, even though I still love the game, it doesn't make sense to lose for over a year and continue losing. On the other hand I invested so much time, that it would be just damn stupid to stop now.

So, this is the current situation.

Wow, this was a fantastic video. Thank you. It was quite intersting to see, where you changed your mind.

Hi Luke, thank you for this one as well. Intersting spots where a learned again something :)

Sure, sorry for not posting it previously. Your analasys starts at
min24:43

Hi Luke, this was an intersting video again. The last hand the Q9s against Matt was very interesting. I think XC-XX-B is overfolded by the population on the river. I think Matt knew that and he thought you are trying to exploit him. So he exploited you back by calling. And when the K pairs on the river you have less Kx combos in your range. But that was just my 2 cents :)

Thank you.