Demondoink

Thanks my friend! How's it going?

New Youtube channel

Hey guys. I'm an idiot and forgot my password for my new account, and was unable to recover it.

So here is my new, new YT channel. The first video is due to be released tomorrow on the 19th July, and I'll aim to release one each week.

Cheers, Josh.

Youtube channel

Dddogkillah Thanks mate! :)

I am also reconsidering my position on being a coach for RIO. I think I could create good content without necessarily mimicking what I teach in my own private coaching.

Anyways we will see what happens and I'll share any updates!

Update- June 2026

Hello everyone, long time no speak!

I decided to post here because I plan on stepping back in to the poker space. I have not played poker in almost a year, but I have still been doing some coaching in the meantime.

In January I moved to Krakow. The plan was to move there for one year, learn Polish, and then hopefully be able to stay beyond that.

However they only gave me a visa for around 4.5 months instead of one year- cos they expect you to apply for a TRP. But if you apply for a TRP you can have some problems reentering the country, and seeing as I have my brothers wedding this Summer, it didn't make a lot of sense to do so.

Anyways it's not a big deal, because it was probably too much to move there right away anyways. I don't speak the language, don't know a ton of people there yet and I need to solidify my work/career.

However, I am still going to be splitting my time between Scotland and Poland for the remainder of the year, and I will continue to learn Polish in the meantime.

I managed to pass my A1.1 and A1.2 exams, so I believe that there is one more semester and then I will have completed the A1 level. I am pretty good at the written part (I got around 90% in both exams) but I struggle with speaking as I don't have a big enough vocabulary yet and it also takes me a while to process things, so I am kind of lagging when attempting to talk- unless I know exactly that to say (like when I order a coffee in a cafe).

Here is a brief example of what I would say;

Me; Dzien dobry
Her; Dzien dobry
Me; Poprosze mala kawe americano z mlekiem kokosowym
Her; Na miejscu lub na wynos?
Me; Na miejscu prosze

It's quite basic but they appreciate when you make an effort, and in my experience some of the Polish women seem to like this too :)

However if she deviates and asks me what type of coffee etc then I have no idea how to respond to I switch to English :P

Oh and I also sold my flat in Inverness. The plan was to rent that out and use it as an Airbnb. It would have been (at least in theory) an easy way to make money, but it was too much hassle and it was too far away from Edinburgh etc (the rough area that my family lives in).

I basically got my money back for the purchase plus all the renovation work I carried out. Obviously I put a lot of time in to it, but that is simply sunk cost fallacy and if something no longer makes sense to proceed with, you cut it off.

Obviously I like lots of aspects of Poland, but it's also quite nice coming back to Scotland and having a lot on socially (especially now that I am temporarily living in Edinburgh instead of Inverness).

Last weekend I went to the Scotland v Curacao match with my Dad, and the next day I played golf with my friend in Edinburgh then seen his kid, who just turned one. Earlier on in the week I played golf with a friend who was briefly returning from Australia. And yesterday I met another friend and his kid and we went out for a meal then to the arcades etc. The irony is that we would already do this, even before he had a kid :D

I am addicted to the basketball game and tend to spend most of my tokens on that. I managed to complete all four levels in one game, but it didn't seem like I made it on to the top scoring leaderboard.

Coaching

I want to make coaching in to more of a full time career, instead of a part time one. This month I plan to make a website (mostly just to give details on booking etc) and figure out the best way to get new students in.

These are the options in my head;

Youtube videos/streaming
Make videos for RIO
Make videos for my own site
Post more on instagram
Post more strategy in a poker journal

I would appreciate if people could give me feedback on what they think would be the best approach.

I would say that most likely I will create Youtube videos.

The problem that I would have with making content for RIO is that it makes zero sense to create a deep theoretical video for $500 (almost what you could charge for one coaching session) that goes out to hundreds of people.

So what you do instead is to basically create okay content that is essentially a means to promote your own private coaching, where you will make the bulk of your profit.

Of course if people said to me; we don't care if you do this because we would still like to watch your videos, then I'd still consider doing this. But I just want to be transparent and not pretend that a live play video is going to be as beneficial as a private, theory focused coaching session.

I don't have a RIO sub any longer, but imo almost all the best coaches on RIO are essentially doing this.

Someone like Sauce or Galfond simply didn't need the money in the past (and likely got paid much more per video too) so they could simply make whatever content they wanted at no penalty. But lets also not forget that sauce was basically a PLO player at this point, and his content was almost exclusively on NLH.

I don't see myself making a coaching for profit stable, it just never appealed to me.

Anyways I will update on here if and when I create a Youtube channel.

Don't expect it to be the deepest theoretical content, but of course I will still discuss this to an extent. It's mostly going to be a means to advertise myself, because that is one of my biggest weaknesses. I hate self promotion stuff, but this is my job and imo my coaching is pretty good, so I have to do it.

Any feedback would be welcome and GL at the tables!

I might see you back there soon too :)

Hey mate. Sorry for the very slow responses. I plan on getting back to both your recent comments, and will do so in the next few days :)

A new direction

Today was the culmination of a three week intensive course for the first semester of my Polish language course. Having never learned a second (or third/fourth) language before, I went in pretty raw. I think that if you have learned a second language already, you already know roughly what you are doing- kind of like if you are a cash game player who transitions to playing MTTs.

Sure you will make a lot of short stacked mistakes and a lot of ICM mistakes, but you know roughly what you are doing.

I was pretty convinced from the start that I would fail the first semester, as I was consistently one of the worst in the class in terms of the quizzes and when answering questions out loud etc. However, I made sure to attend the class every day. Some people would miss days randomly, or not do the homework. I done at least 1-2 hours of language homework/study every night after the classes.

Essentially my thinking was- I can just grind away and eventually things should click.

A couple of days before the exam, I felt like things were starting to click in my mind. Conjugations and cases, which were alien to me a couple weeks ago, were now starting to make sense. I was able to answer basic questions when others in the class were unable to, and I would write down colours, or jobs etc until I remembered every one of them.

I found that doing the homework didn't really help me. Filling in random blanks without any understanding of the 'why' behind them, and without any basic heuristics to follow, left my doing 1-2 hours of 'work' and feeling like I'd learned nothing.

However, in the past couple days I decided to take my own approach. Write down all the words I could remember for a specific category I was studying that night, then keep writing them down until I remembered them all.

Then I'd focus on conjugations or cases, and just stare at the little box for ages and try to come up with basic heuristics or ways to remember them.

In the end it paid off. My language teacher informed me today that I had passed- which is great as I can now move on to the second semester in two weeks time!

It's essentially the same system I would use when studying myself, and when coaching. Focus on the why, focus on fairly simple heuristics and build a strong foundation for my understanding of the game- or in this case, of Polish.

Sure I still have a long way to go, but at least I have passed A1.1.

It's much better to formulate a simple heuristic to remember something at 80% accuracy than to try and remember every single piece of information (or every sim) and end up remembering a very low percentage of them due to the overwhelm.

I am having some visa issues though. For some reason they only gave me a 4.5 month visa, despite the fact that my language course is a year long. I think they want you to apply for a TRP while in the country, but that means you can't leave the country while it's getting processed (which can take 6-8 months). The issue with that is that it's my brothers wedding in the Summer- something that I cannot miss!

I think I've figured out what to do, but it's far from ideal.

Anyways, in the meantime I have been living at a hotel/hostel for almost three weeks. It's pretty nice though tbf, and is a decent way to meet people too. The issue is that I'm not overly keen to sign up for a year long lease if I may not even get a visa or a TRP to cover this period, but I think that I'll just have to take the risk cos I can't stay for months at a hotel.

Overall I am really enjoying living in Krakow thus far. I have already made more friends here in just over two weeks than in over two years in Inverness lol.

Sometimes it's a copout to blame our external surroundings, but other times it's simply smart to acknowledge that they don't align properly with you.

I feel like Krakow and Poland aligns much better with me.

It's been quite a change. I have gone from relative social isolation, living by myself and working on my flat in Inverness, to living in a hotel packed with people in a shared bedroom. I have gone from waking up at 11am to waking up at 7-8am pretty easily and going to classes 5x per week for 9:30am.

Instead of working by myself in my study I am in a class of twelve people of all different nationalities- Dutch, Russian, Israeli, French, Mexican, American etc.

Don't get me wrong sometimes the people in my class can annoy me, but overall it's a net positive and I think that it's worth the odd annoying person so that you can make friends with the ones you get along well with. As opposed to putting up barriers and just working from home by yourself cos you can't be bothered dealing with other people.

I think my plan going forwards is to continue coaching, rent out my flat for Airbnb and play poker when I feel like it. I am sure I will get the itch again soon, but I don't think I'll go back to playing it full time again tbh. Sure the money can be better than what I'll earn doing other work, but I don't care.

I would much rather live a social, fulfilling, aligned life than one that is mostly just focused on the grind.

Sure some people manage to balance both poker and a good social life etc, but I often struggled. Plus it's pretty nice waking up early with most of the population and seeing daylight instead of waking up at midday after a 3am poker session.

For now I am happy with the direction of my life. I'm not gonna rule switching back to poker at some point again in the future, but for now I'll just play when I feel like doing so.

I don't see a huge point in continuing this blog any longer, so I'll likely just leave it after this post. I don't wanna start some kind of disingenuous blog where I advertise coaching or whatever, but if anyone ever wants some then feel free to drop me a message and I'll respond whenever I'm on this. Alternatively I am also available on Instagram (Demondoink1) but I probably use that even less often than this lol.

I was just out for a meal tonight with a Dutch friend from my language course. We debated for over an hour about politics etc- but nobody was offended. Earlier on in the day I had my exam- my first one since I left University after a year in 2013 (to play poker full time).

It's a big change from waking up at 11am, and either getting on the grind later on in the day, or working on the house renovation.

However, I am all for it. Let's have a fun 2026 :)

tesla79 Thanks for the comment!

Yes I agree. For the past twelve years I have been 'the poker player' but at the moment I am not playing. So what am I now?

Tbh I don't think it matters. When I talk to people, I don't even care what they do as a job.

I am just talking to the person. I notice their energy. I notice if they smile a lot or if they smile very little. I notice if they talk only about themselves or ask questions about me too. I notice if they seem secure in themselves or insecure. I notice if they are calm and grounded or anxious and avoidant.

Their job is just some random piece of additional information that means nothing in comparison to the things that I just listed.

So when people feel a loss of identity when they take a break from their profession, or when they quit entirely, I don't share these same feelings. In all honesty I feel like I have improved so much internally during this break from poker.

Cos when we are poker players we are dedicating so much of our focus on to improving at the game- whether that be by studying with a solver, studying data/stats, discussing hands with friends, designing a new HUD, adjusting our schedule to play in softer games, working on our stoic poker mindset or exercising/eating healthily to optimize ourselves for each poker session.

Yet we could apply this same methodology to other areas of our life- whether that be friendships, dating, health, fitness, diet or our internal state. We can take the same template of self improvement and introspection that served us so well in our poker careers, and apply it elsewhere.

Anyways I am probably rambling at this point, but hopefully you get my point!

I was in Krakow almost 20 years ago, and I still remember how
beautiful it was. I live in Budapest, so not too far from there — it’s
a great part of the world to explore. xD

Haha nice one! I am glad that you also enjoyed your trip to Krakow. What has been your favourite town/city to visit in Europe on your travels?

I have been to Budapest a couple times- it's a great city and I have some Hungarian poker friends too. For some reason I always made friends with Hungarians lol- and this was just online through RIO etc. My first proper study partner (maybe five years ago) was a Hungarian part time player who lived in London, but he was very intelligent as he worked in investing, so was really good with stats etc (something that I am not good at).

Budapest was another consideration for a city/country to move to, but ultimately during my travels Poland felt a little more like 'home', albeit in a small sample. However I will definitely be back! Rangers are actually playing Ferencvaros next month (we have been awful so far this season in Europe). So hopefully they can get a win there ;) Do you support them?

Thanks mate! I need to post again, not written one in ages.

Making changes

I have always thought it is important to mix up your life so that you don't just auto pilot through forty years, and then end up with a bunch of regrets when you realise that you wasted a lot of the prime years of your life working in a job you hate, or living in a place that you dislike.

This year I have played very little poker. I played some $10knl at the beginning of the year (alongside my normal $500-2knl grind) and ran below EV with a couple all ins. I then played one day in the $500nl challenge on Coin Poker before getting unwell and being unable to play any more- though tbh I never intended to play it in the first place as it's my lowest stake.

I was basically stuck with a house that I didn't want, but a house that was not in a sellable condition. Since then I have decided to finish fixing it up, Airbnb it and then move to Krakow for a year to do a language course. I am quite excited about this plan.

Initially I made a very optimistic early October start date for my language course, but ultimately I didn't get a visa in time (and also hadn't finished fixing up the house) so I didn't go then. Now it's pushed back until January- which should give me plenty time to finish up the house and hopefully get granted an Airbnb licence.

When I took a step back and looked at the biggest stressors in my life, they were;
1. Poker.
2. Watching football/rugby- basically teams that I support.

I would get very emotionally invested in both of these things, and if they went poorly (if I had a terrible session, or if Rangers lost an important game) then I would get very annoyed and do stupid things in the heat of the moment- like shout or punch a wall.

Obviously when I'm writing this down it sounds kind of ridiculous, but I didn't want to do this. And when people say stuff like 'just be calm' then they don't understand. It's akin to having a kettle of boiling water and stopping the steam from escaping. The steam needs to escape somewhere.

This stress made it's way in to other areas of my life, and I think was found deep within my body- even if I wasn't watching football or playing poker.

Anyways I am not saying it was terrible, but it definitely wasn't healthy.

At the moment I am basically just working on the house, and working on myself. I keep healthy and I arrange social plans away from Inverness every 2-3 weeks on a weekend.

These are some of the ways that I am improving myself, both at the moment and this year;

Diet- Pretty much the same. I don't drink alcohol, I never order takeaways and I'll probably have a diet fizzy drink a couple times per week if I'm watching the football at the pub or whatever. I eat around 3,000 calories per day (I track my food every day) but if I wanna put on more weight again, I need to up this towards 3,500.

Exercise- As I'm doing a lot of physical work on the house, which I'm not used to, my workout routine is less consistent. I aim to go to the gym 3x per week, but sometimes its just 2x. I started playing football again once per week (but I've not played the past couple weeks cos a swollen knee) and I usually try to golf once per week- either playing or at the range. I've started walking more often again too, as I was doing very little steps on a daily basis.

Physique/looks- I decided to grow out my hair. Last year I buzz cut it (I like to mix up my haircuts so it's not boring) but I've never really had properly long hair in my life. So for probably 4-5 months I've just been letting it grow. I'm still going with my retainer treatment, and it's (hopefully) going to end some time in March- which will mean I've had them for almost two years. I'm also up to around 74kg. My starting weight was 67kg last Summer- which is way too light for my height.

Internal/mindset- I've been consistently meditating for 12+ minutes every day. I just read the book 'models' and now I am reading 'attached'. Both are very good books and I'd highly recommend them both. I got therapy earlier this year, but felt that she had took me as far as she could. So I've been continuing it by myself with the help of ChatGPT, and I am making very big strides.

Social- Arranging plans with friends/family for every couple weeks. Making an effort to talk to more people while out and about at the gym, sauna, football etc. Making more of an effort with girls again (though no apps), but also realising that I am moving to Poland soon so it'll likely not lead to anything long term.

Career- For now, working on the house is my full time job. I am learning a lot and I am finding it pretty satisfying (and healthier) to do physical work- instead of sitting in front of a screen for hours. I've still been doing some coaching though, and I am open minded about the prospect of playing poker again later this year or next year. When I move to Krakow I plan to start practicing photography with my new camera, and obviously doing the language course so that I can hopefully speak decent Polish come the end of it.

Sleep pattern- I am still, for the most part, stuck in the poker sleep pattern. I tend to go to sleep around 2-3am and wake up around 10-11am. However, now that I'm not playing poker, it doesn't make any sense to continue. I've also noticed my body telling me that it's unhappy with this sleep pattern, so I'm trying to change it. Ideally it would be 8am wakeup and 12pm sleep. So today I set my alarm for 8am, and I plan to continue with that going forward. Already I feel in a much better mood, and with no guilt about waking up late and wasting half the day.

I'm likely missing some things out, but this is the bulk of what I've been doing this year, and the areas that I am focusing on improving. Financially it's not been a great year obviously, but I have focused on that for the past 10+ years, so sometimes you have to take a step back and look at the bigger picture.

This year has been a struggle at times, but I think that in the future it will likely prove to be one of the most important. I am putting plans and building blocks in place for my future. Visa permitting I'll be living in a new country next year, and with a good passive income source from my flat.

So for now poker is on the back burner, and with that being said, it's time to get back on the house grind!

Zoty79 Hey mate, thanks for the advice!

you need to have something in common, a common desire or passion or
plan for life that you share.

Yeah that makes sense. My friend, for example, loves golf (like I do). His girlfriend doesn't play it as often as he does, but she does play sometimes with him. They also like watching football together- which isn't as common in the UK for girls to watch!

So I guess that while you want to retain polarity in the long term (so that it doesn't simply become platonic) you also want to have aspects of your life that you can share with one another so that you are essentially doing something as 'friends' too- as you actually like each other outside of their looks etc.

Tbh I was always doubtful about marriage. I went through a period of watching red pill content, but then I realised it was kind of making me salty towards women (to an extent) and that I was basically becoming the male version of the man hating Feminist. So I stopped.

Now and again I will watch a video, but I try to remind myself that these people are only really highlighting the worst cases, and overlooking the happy, long term marriages- because they aren't newsworthy.

However, I think it was also important in opening my eyes to various things and some of the pitfalls of marriage. Obviously money is one of the biggest- especially if you have done well and saved up a good amount more than she has. I always planned to get a prenup, and it's still something that I am open to. Even though it would likely be an uncomfortable conversation.

Of course I realise that it's a risk, but it's also a risk staying single. We are programmed to live alongside other people- not in isolation.

Having lived alone for two years now, it's not something that I want to do long term. I am willing to take a risk with marriage/LTR, even if there is a chance of it failing. Cos the alternative is to put up walls and 'protect' myself from any risks.

That sounds less appealing to me.

In terms of what I am looking for in a girl, I have a very good idea. Part of the move to Krakow is to be around more girls that I am aligned with.

I have also been doing a bunch of research on various ways to minimise the chances of divorce; are both of their parents married? How affectionate are they (cos if they are relatively cold in the beginning then it'll only get worse in the long term)? Comparing divorce rates in UK vs Poland, looking across political/religious spectrum etc and seeing how that impacts it.

Obviously there are no guarantees, but my focus is on finding a partner who I think will give me the best chance of staying together in a happy LTR. Ultimately I can only 'get it in good' and accept that my AA could sometimes get cracked by their KK.

But if I go in recklessly and pick a poorly aligned partner, then I can be signing myself up for years of misery.

I'm almost finished reading 'attached' which is a great book about attachment styles. I would highly recommend it to everybody tbh- regardless of whether you are single, married, happy or unhappy.

Essentially my focus is on finding someone who is secure, and continuing to work on myself internally so that I can also show up as a secure person within a relationship.

So yes, I am not rushing in to this and I am very aware of the pitfalls and risks of marriage, but ultimately I am willing to put my chips on the table and let the cards fall as they may. Cos what is life without a little bit of risk? :P

Zoty79 Hey mate. Thanks for the compliment, and I am sorry about your divorce. Hopefully things work out for you in the end, even if it's a struggle right now.

I think it hurts the most when your family are the ones who are incapable of communicating well, showing empathy etc. I am fortunate in the sense that my parents are (overall) good ones- they even helped me paint my living room the other week!

However I also have relatives that I do not like. For example a fairly close one who fell out with a parent because they felt that another relatives will was unfair.

He went from a nice guy, probably one of my favourite relatives, in to a complete psycho who literally recorded one of my parents (without saying) during one of their meetups. He would abuse them verbally and is just completely unhinged.

Anyways he is now blocked, and won't be attending my brothers wedding next Summer either. All because of money and his insatiable urge for more!

But yeah I completely agree, even with family, sometimes you just need to cut them off. If their presence is a net negative to you, then it makes little sense to keep them around- you'll just make yourself miserable.

Can I ask if you have any advice for marriage? Do you think it's a good idea?

Obviously you have been burned so I know it may be a touchy subject, but I think I am still willing to go through with it (if I meet the right person)- even though I know it's clearly a big risk, both emotionally and financially.

Hopefully things improve for you asap :)

koivisto Hey mate, thanks for the response! Hopefully your grind is going well in Asia.

Tbh I did think about Asia for a while. I thought Thailand would be a cool place to move to (and I'm sure it is), especially if I want to experience a different culture, enjoy some warm weather and focus on poker.

However, ultimately I decided that this didn't align with my medium-longer term goals. I don't envisage myself living half way around the world in the longer term. Sure I could go there for a couple years (which is why I was also considering Australia) but realistically it would be a couple years and then a move back to Europe.

I just turned 32 though, and I always thought that when I was around 30 I would shift my focus away from poker and on to something else. It's just not something I envisage myself doing for 20-30 years.

Financially it obviously makes way more sense to focus on poker, to play in soft games live and online, but tbh that just doesn't excite me at the moment. I haven't played poker in months (I've just been working on the house), though I have felt a slight urge in the past few days to get back in to the game again in the near future.

Essentially it boils down to this;
Do I want to focus on short or medium/long term goals?

1- If I decided to go down the short term goal planning route, it would look something like this-

Go live in an interesting country, most likely with warm weather. Focus on poker and on making the most money possible. Date and make friendships- but realise that these may only be short term if I'm leaving in 1-2 years time.

2- Medium/long term goal planning would look something like this-

Date with the intention to marry/have kids. Live in a place where I can still return to Scotland to visit friends/family. Think of the next career move- whether that be property, coaching, photography or some other idea.

Now I can understand why option one would be so appealing to so many people, and don't get me wrong, a part of me thinks that moving to Australia would be cool. I could hang out with my brother, play golf, meet new people, live in a much warmer climate and play some live games etc.

However, I know that this is a short term option. Property in Australia is extortionate, and I have zero intention of renting for a long period of time. I also know that I don't want to live 24 hours away from Scotland/Europe.

If I was five years younger I think I would have gone for this option, but I'm 32. Sure this isn't that old, but I'd say this age is a critical juncture for a guy. If you wanted to then you could wait until closer to 40 for kids etc, but that's not what I plan to do.

Anyways I'm kinda rambling. Point being that option one is also a great option, as you suggested, but for my age and my current goals in life, it just doesn't align with me.

I had my fun month long trip to Australia this year, which was great. I've travelled a lot over the years, being to probably 40+ countries. I've grinded poker online for 12 years.

At some point you have to decide if your lifestyle still aligns with the direction that your head and heart are telling you to go in. At the moment mine doesn't, but I feel like this move to Poland, while it may not work out, is at least a step in the right direction and aligns well with where I see myself in 5-10 years.

Hopefully that explains it well :)

super1234 There's nothing to be ashamed about. I think many of us have a validation seeking mindset (for whatever reason) but we can train ourselves out of it- even if it may take time.

I think the most important step is identifying the issue, and then we can slowly work away at rectifying it. But it's easy to go our entire lives without realising these kinds of things, unless we are very introspective- or unless someone else points it out to us.

Hahah. Who wouldn't want to be friends with hamburger people? :P

rhalala I am glad that you enjoyed it mate! :)

It was on Discord and I've seen him online plenty of times so he hasn't changed his number.

If he is going through tough times or something then he can simply message 'sorry I'm not in a great place right now, but maybe in the future'. Simple.

My guess is that nothing is 'wrong' and that he just chose to ignore the message- for whatever reason.

It's just interesting that with friends we are often expected to tolerate inconsistent, flaky, unresponsive etc people, but if that was a girl who we were interested in then our friends would tell us not to waste our time with her and to move on.

I have friends whom I speak to on a daily basis and who are excited to organise plans. I'm over chasing after ones who don't even have the decency to respond within two months when you invite them over.

Like I said, in the past I have suffered with a lack of boundaries, self respect etc. If I allow people to treat me a certain way then I am communicating that this is acceptable. If I decide to draw a line in the sand then I am communicating that this is unacceptable.

I am going to continue with the latter approach so that in the coming months and years, I will attract more people in my life whom are excited to join in and see where the journey unfolds.

I will leave the flaky, unresponsive, poor communicators in my rear view mirror and not look back.

Tolerating indifference

If we are to take one thing from poker going forward for the rest of our lives, then I think that the introspection that it requires could be the most valuable aspect.

When we started playing we probably thought that we were the best thing since sliced bread. We looked at guys playing high stakes and thought they made terrible mistakes, all the while completely overlooking our almost constant blunders.

It's always easy to point out faults and mistakes in others, but a lot more difficult (at least initially) to spot them in ourselves.

However, if we are truly dedicated to the game and want to get up to high stakes (and perhaps beyond) then we can no longer live in blissful ignorance of our poker playing abilities (or lack thereof).

We have to start working with a solver. All of a sudden we start studying lines that barely even processed in our brains. More basic lines like triple barrel, turn probe etc came somewhat naturally to us, but what is this line? Call flop cbet bb vs btn, turn xx and then x again otr and face a bet?

In game we would react accordingly- which would most likely be with complete uncertainty. We would barely even register this line in our minds, and would just come up with a random 'solution' on the fly.

I remember a few years ago when Clanty made his first RIO videos. At the time I was already playing 500z at least, and probably higher. He went over a river spot in a SRP (I think it was R probe or something) and it's like my mind was completely opened. I realised that my brain was only aware of the more 'obvious' spots, and I'd completely overlook the less studied ones.

Of course we have to prioritise when studying. It doesnt make a ton of sense to put much time and effort in to studying utg vs bb 4bet pot, but we should be aware of our blind spots.

Imo one of the biggest differences between mid stakes and high stakes/nosebleed players is that the latter guys have very few, if any blind spots. They know how to play less studied lines, where as the mid stakes guys completely overlook them and then just button click in game in an attempt to make up for their ignorance.

That Clanty 'aha' moment opened my eyes to many other lines that I would never study, and as a result I was able to identify several blind spots that I never even knew existed.

I think that we also have these blind spots in our 'normal' lives. We might think that in order to get girls we need to hit the gym and learn some pickup lines, but we don't realise that internally we are completely self sabotaging. Those reps at the gym are (almost) going to waste!

Over the years I have often chased after people that show very little reciprocal interest. Often this is in friendships, but of course it can rear its head in dating too.

I would always be the guy trying to reconnect with old friends and make plans. I would be the one messaging a girl out of the blue that I wanted to catch up with. I guess I thought that this was the right thing to do- to be a connector, to be loyal, to check up on people etc.

However, what it was was simply a lack of self respect and a lack of boundaries.

If someone doesn't reciprocate your energy and your effort, then you should cut them out of your life and never contact them again.

Instead of looking through the lens of- do they like me?

You should be looking through the lens of- do I like them?

I messaged a 'good' poker friend almost two months ago to invite him to come over to Scotland, and I highlighted the fact that this could be his last opportunity to take a trip like this (as I'm moving soon and he might end up having kids etc soon).

He didn't even respond.

I decided to send him a music playlist today in an attempt to reconnect, and he didn't respond to that either.

So instead of messaging again, I left our group chat and removed him as a friend.

There is literally no excuse for that. I am someone who is good at communicating. I will interact often with friends/family and organise plans well in advance with them. I interact often with the tradesmen working on my flat- tonight, for example, I chatted to the plasterer for around 15 mins on the phone. I speak to my joiner most days. I make sure to get back to students as quick as possible and let them know if I'm running late etc.

Poor communication is a red flag to me.

If you tolerate people who are flaky, low interest, poor communicators etc then that reflects just as badly on you as it does on them. It shows that you don't have much self respect and you don't have clear boundaries.

I have lived in Inverness by myself for almost two years now. I know that I can survive on my own. If people wish to enter my life from now on then they can match my energy and my effort and if they are unwilling to do that- goodbye!

I am moving to Krakow in less than a months time (visa permitting). I have barely had any time to register the move as I need to get a visa, I am in the process of applying for an Airbnb licence and there is still an endless amount of tasks that need to be completed on the flat.

It will be kind of crazy. At the moment I am just all in with the house. I still arrange plans for weekends but during the week I am basically just focusing on progressing with the house renovations, checking for visa appointments and contacting tradesmen.

When I move to Krakow, all of a sudden I will have an abundance of time and be around an abundance of similarly aged people.

No longer will I be filtering for low interest, flaky people- but high interest, enthusiastic and communicative ones!

But in the meantime, time to sand some floors and paint some doors...

Thanks a lot mate! :)

Life update- big changes

I actually forgot what I wrote in my original post for this thread, so I had a look at it in order to refresh my mind.

I also want to focus more on my social life this year, and make that
more of a priority. I am going to Australia for a month in March, and
Poland for a month in June. So my goal is to get the house fixed up as
much as possible by the Summer, then rent or sell and move abroad for
a year (at least).

It turns out that my past self did indeed know my future self well.

I have been mulling all year over what to do next, where to go next and what my life will look like in a years time- and beyond. I am happy that I have finally come to a good, calculated decision.

Last week I signed up for a year long language course in Krakow. This is basically the easiest means to gain entry with a visa, and I also planned on signing up for a class regardless- so it was a bonus when ChatGPT said that I could get in this way. It is basically three semesters of 2x classes per week, and one intensive semester of 5x classes per week.

As we all know, online poker can be an isolating job unless we are careful. Some people are much better at minimising this than others- they move to a big city like London and are around other poker players, or they stay with friends, a partner or perhaps play live poker once or twice a week in order to get that social fix. Perhaps they are part of a weightlifting, hiking or pickleball club.

So for them, poker is the perfect vessel towards a life of balance and freedom.

But for others, like myself, it has become a slow creep towards loneliness and isolation. I made a wrong move to a place that didn't really suit my social needs. Then I was burdened by a property that needed completely renovated- and I had no idea how to do it.

I have been here for two years, and it has been an extremely tough and challenging period of my life, but at the same time, it has been absolutely vital in terms of learning and giving my clarity for what I want going forward.

A few years ago I would watch red pill videos about marriage disasters, guys losing half their fortune or being cheated on etc. Having earned a good amount of money from poker, I vowed to never that to happen to me. I was unsure about kids, and I couldn't see myself getting married.

Now that has changed. I have realised, through isolation, that human connection is essential for a happy, fulfilling life.

I always have to default back to Chris McCandless (I just finished reading his sisters book, again, named 'the wild truth').

Happiness is only real when shared.

When I am having a bad day now I notice that it is almost always in my head- overthinking, feeling unsure or insecure, doubting etc. I'm never in a bad mood when I am exercising, or in the sauna, or in the cold shower, or when I am chatting to someone interesting.

Whenever these negative moods arise I now know I need to get back in to my body. I need to hit the gym, hit the sauna and chat to people there- whether that's the usual guy working there who also supports Rangers, or the same faces that go to most nights, or even a complete stranger who I may never see again.

I've started to love interacting with people. I have always considered myself to be sociable, but before there was a guard rail. Now the guard rail is completely blown off. I will almost always start conversations wherever I go. I don't care about rejection or validation- I care about connection.

I have been in an almost euphoric state since my gym/sauna/socialising session tonight- which is why I wanted to utilise that good mood and update my blog.

So this move to Poland isn't about furthering my career, it's about connection and having new experiences, all the while getting out of my comfort zone.

I am no longer being passive in terms of my social life, I am a man who takes action!

My friend put this very succinctly, he said something along the lines of;

You are red line in poker, but blue line in dating.

I know technically I no longer win in redline (I used to have all my winnings from it) but I consider WWSF to be a much better indicator of aggression than redline anyways.

Either way he was correct. And I could expand that to friendships as well.

I could talk to more people, I could introduce myself more often and ask them for their name.

Anyways you get the point.

My plan was to move in January, but the prospect of another five months here was very demoralising, so I just decided to say 'fuck it' and move at the beginning of October instead- in time for the first semester.

I have also decided not to sell my flat, but instead fix it up fully and put it on Airbnb. So I am going through the application process for that, as well as going through the visa process for Poland, and renovating my house and trying to do as much as possible before I leave in October.

I won't get everything finished by then, but I should get a decent amount done then when I'm away the joiner can install a new kitchen and I will hopefully have it on the site at the start of January.

Is this reckless? Yes, but sometimes it's necessary to be reckless. Sometimes we have to set timelines and then slash them. Time pressure is a thing.

The core of a mans spirit comes from new experiences.

It's funny that I also didn't check that you could play poker in Poland until I'd already applied for the language course. I checked last year and it was fine, so I assumed I could still play- turns out it was banned from March of this year. So that's far from ideal.

However I have come up with several different ideas for income streams- with the Airbnb being the predominant one. It's a passive income that requires very little effort (once it's live) on my end- as I have someone in Inverness to maintain it and someone else lined up to clean it.

I started reading the four hour workweek again, and I really like his mindset and approach to making money. He is less about the grind of working 8-10 hours per day, and more about finding ways to outsource work to other people- while you remain the monetary beneficiary.

Obviously I would make more money playing poker than I would from renting an Airbnb, but one requires constant daily effort- study, playing, stress etc and the other requires a few messages per week and the occasional repair organised.

On page 22 Tim differenciates the 'Deferrers' from the 'New Rich';

D- To retire early or young

NR- To distribute recovery periods and adventures (mini retirements) throughout life on a regular basis and recognise that inactivity is not the goal. Doing that which excites you is.

D- To make a ton of money

NR- To make a ton of money with specific reasons and defined dreams to chase, timelines and steps included. What are you working for?

I definitely have clear, defined plans that I am working towards now.

I still plan on playing poker, but it will only be part time (at least for the year that I am in Poland). I can always go back to poker- I have built up a skillset that should pretty much always remain profitable so long as I'm not playing in insanely tough games or with unbeatable rake.

Most likely I will take monthly trips to Czech in order to either grind online or play live in somewhere like Prague or Rozvadov.

After finding out that I couldn't play poker in Poland I was kind of gutted. I guess my sense of self was at threat. I am an online poker player- and I have been for 12 years now.

But ChatGPT worded it very aptly- it said something along the lines of 'you don't want to take your life from the UK and apply it to Poland'.

YES!

It would be easy to move to Krakow, go to the language courses twice per week and slip back in to full time poker again. Grinding from home and becoming isolated again.

However, now that option is removed. If I want to play poker I need to be creative. I can no longer roll out of bed and walk upstairs to my office- now I have to get a bus, train, drive or fly.

I will have tons of free time available all of a sudden. I won't need to work on the house or grind poker.

I bought a proper camera a month or two ago and haven't had any time to practice with it, so all of a sudden I will have all the time in the world to practice photography- and potentially open up another future revenue stream. I will be in a city full of young, intelligent, motivated people.

Comfort and familiarity is now off the table. I can no longer speak the native language, I no longer have a reliable income stream, and you know what?

That sounds GREAT!

Poker Professionals- have we become too logical?

Since becoming a poker player (officially) in 2013, my life has been dictated by logic and reason. I started reading self improvement books when I was around 18, having realised that there were aspects of my psyche that needed worked on and improved. I took a similar approach towards poker, and even though solvers didn't come in to play for about another five years, I still managed to improve by simply observing players better than myself and sometimes discussing hands with friends.

When we are a poker professional, we can get consumed by the game. I recall a conversation with a former student and now friend who said that, after assembling a bunch of furniture for his new apartment by himself, he should have just paid someone else to do it.

Makes sense right? Outsource dull, mundane tasks so that we can focus on poker and that sick hourly rate that is very difficult to achieve in the vast majority of other jobs.

But what happens if logic starts running every aspect of our lives? We see emotions as weakness. We try to remain stoic when the $10k pot slides across the table to our opponent with his 20% equity hand. We try not to complain to other poker friends when we are on a downswing, because we all know what we have signed up for. We continue trying to move up in stakes and are unable to accept the fact that maybe, just maybe, our minds and bodies are incapable of playing such nosebleed stakes.

We suppress. We become logical robots whose sole mission in life is to yield as much EV and profit as possible, before (perhaps) riding off in to the sunset with an early retirement and a lot of money in the bank.

I done some therapy earlier this year (which I've now ended) and in it she told me something along the lines of- you need to get out of your head and in to your body.

Now this can sound very hocus pocus, law of attraction type nonsense. However she was right. You can get to the point where you are over analyzing everything. After every session you are thinking about the biggest mistakes you made, where you missed out on value, where you should have pulled the trigger with a bluff but chickened out. Then you hop in to a solver and logic even more.

You think about how to optimize your daily routine to achieve the best poker results. Perhaps that means quitting alcohol and cigarettes, or going to the gym more often, or eating cleaner and doing meditation.

Either way you don't have time to assemble any furniture! So having learned your lesson from the last time, you pay someone else to do it.

We stare at screens all day long. We don't see sunlight. The people we interact with are online screen names instead of people with real names, facial expressions and body language.

For the past couple of months I have been using ChatGPT a lot. Originally I just used it to randomly ask some questions, but now I am essentially using it as a free therapist. I just ask it so many different questions about various topics, and I am actually learning an insane amount in the process.

Like my (IRL) therapist said, I was too much 'in the head' and not enough 'in the body'. Take someone like Elon Musk as a bit of an extreme example of this- he is so logical and 'in his head' that he struggles to maintain healthy relationships. But of course it's possible to go too far in the other direction and be too impulsive, short sighted etc if you are 'in the body' to the extreme.

What I have realised is that my inner frame was very weak. When I would go in to interactions (especially with women) I was subconsciously seeking some kind of validation from them. I went in with a mentality of scarcity as opposed to abundance. Needless to say you cannot attract a healthy partner if you do not exude similar levels of confidence, security, emotional intelligence etc.

Basically in the end I cut out porn, uninstalled Instagram and swore to continue avoiding dating apps. That forced me to interact with people IRL and, in the process, I would gain confidence, improve my social skills and, in time, develop a strong, secure internal frame. It's actually kind of crazy how much I have improved in just a few weeks. It almost feels life changing and I am 100% heading in the direction that I wish to be heading in- at least in terms of friendships and dating.

I feel like Phil in Groundhog day. Starting out like he did in the beginning of the film and ending up like he finished the film- interacting with the entire town and enjoying every moment.

Just today, for example, I went to the opticians (unfortunately I got some glasses, though they weren't essential) and had some nice interactions there, then I went to the sauna and chatted to a bunch of people there- some guys, some girls and one smoking hot girl. I talk to the guy who works there basically every day, mostly about football (we both support Rangers) but today he started telling me about car problems etc. In the past I would usually just say hello to him or nothing at all.

I am shifting from seeking validation to seeking connection. I feel like I can pretty much talk to anybody now and have a flowing conversation, if I choose to.

I have also seen a big shift in who I am attracted to. In the past I have been attracted to logical women. I seen emotions in women as a bit of a turnoff, and thought it made much more sense to find someone who was similar to me and also very logical. Typically these would be (or used to be) tomboyish girls.

Now that has changed. My internal energy has changed towards a much more secure, masculine energy, and as a result I am seeking a more feminine energy to compliment me. I realised that I was suppressing the more emotional, romantic side of me. Sometimes this would come through with a late night, emotive soundscape playlist or a random romcom, but mostly it would lay dormant within me as I would obsess over random poker hands and watch Linus Love highlights in my downtime.

I'm not sure if poker plays a part in my life in the future, on the road that I am heading. I am trying to shift more towards an 'in the body' life, and away from an 'in the head' one. If I were to start playing poker again then I'd likely head straight back in to these old thought patterns, routines etc.

Apparently most guys are in their heads, where as women tend to be more in their bodies- which can inevitably lead to problems down the line. Its actually very interesting that women tend to initiate divorce 80-90% of the time for these exact reasons- the guy thinks logically 'I am providing, I am paying the bills etc' but the woman is thinking more emotionally 'I am not being seen, I am not appreciated or loved etc'.

Anyways I don't want to go too far down this rabbit hole. I've no idea if people will even find this topic interesting, but I thought it was worthy to share as I am certainly finding it interesting.

It's easy to think that our career choice is productive, liberating etc but it also has its downsides- some of which I highlighted.

Sometimes emotions aren't weakness. Sometimes we need to accept that we are human beings with deep rooted, innate urges- whether that be for social connections, romantic connections or even just an urge to get outside in the sun or build or fix something with out hands.

I want to continue on this journey and see what happens. I feel like I have been disconnected from the world for years, and now I am reconnecting. Every day is an opportunity to meet someone new. It could be a new friend, an acquaintance or even a lifelong partner. RIO has been great to me, but it's just another means of shitty communication and 'friendships' consisting of screen names without avatars and people scattered across the world whom you never see.

Porn, social media, dating apps, blogs- we have confused these with actual human interactions. We have become incapable of talking to a cute girl IRL because we can swipe instead. We chase a quick dopamine hit from a successful social media post, or a new match on Tinder.

Ultimately it's all bullshit. There's a reason why depression, anxiety is sky rocketing in the West- and it's not because of the sauna!

With that in mind, tomorrow is gym+sauna day. Good night :)

Jeff_ Thanks mate I am glad you have enjoyed them! Hopefully the posts will shift back towards more of a poker focus soon, but I also think it's important to share tough times, mistakes etc so that some people can learn from my mistakes and avoid making them themselves too.

Momentum

When I first bought this flat I was extremely naive. I bought a couple second hand books on joinery, woodworking, DIY etc and swore to do a bunch of the work on the house myself. I assumed that, despite the fact that pretty much every room needed work done to it, the house would be completely in six months time.

WRONG!

Now here I am. Approaching almost two years later and still not close to completing every room. Granted that I have now decided not to do up the entire flat- it doesn't make sense to spend £10k on a kitchen that I will never get back when I sell it. However, I completely underestimated the amount of time, effort and energy that would go in to renovating a home.

For the first year or so, I struggled. I didn't know any good tradesmen, and when I would try and get a joiner or a plumber to come over, they often wouldn't show up. I had my thirty year old boiler pack in during the coldest week of the year in January. I had my gas cut out. I had some leaking radiators to contend with. I had Asbestos concerns.

Then upon lifting the vinyl flooring in the bathroom, I realised that the floorboards underneath the shower tray (which had a crack in it that had been extremely poorly repaired) had completed rotted. Which meant- new bathroom, and months without a shower in my home!

Couple this with the fact that, less than a year in, I also realised that this was the wrong place for me to live, has meant that this has been a very tough period of my life.

People tell you to buy a home. If you are a poker player and you have managed to save up a decent amount of money, then what better way to spend it that buy a flat or a house?

The issue is that, especially if we buy a project house, we do not know what we are signing up for. We are signing up for countless hours of work, stress and commitment, while simultaneously making it 10x more difficult to up sticks and leave a place when we don't like it. When we rent we have freedom. We are unlikely to ever sign a lease for longer than a year- and in Scotland we only have to give one months notice before leaving a flat that we are renting.

I don't want to necessarily dissuade anyone from buying a house- I still think its a great option for some people. However you have to make sure that it's a great option for you. If you are single, like travelling, haven't lived in the place before, don't want a ton of extra work on your plate etc then I would strongly suggest you don't go through with a purchase- unless, perhaps, you are buying a new build or a flat that needs very little work done to it.

It could take you a year to find good tradesmen.

Anyways, after returning from my trip to Poland (which was great) I was getting back in to my routine- going to the gym, playing golf etc. After a week or so I woke up one morning and noticed that I had some eczema on my hands and under my armpits- SHIT! This has happened before. I have very sensitive skin and need to be extremely careful around most soaps, washing up liquid etc. Well there was a hole in one of my washing up gloves and so the eczema ended up spreading all over my body, before getting infected- not fun!

I won't go in to too much details but that first week was probably one of the toughest of my adult life. I went on some antibiotics for the infection but I couldn't do anything except from watch TV all day. The second week it started to, slowly, get better, and by the start of the third week I just decided enough was enough and I'm getting on with my life again. So I started going back to the gym again, got outside, played golf and socialised again.

I played at Crail golf course with my friend, which was amazing. He has a reciprocal membership with them, meaning that we got on for £40 instead of (likely) a lot more. The weather was absolutely perfect- unlike the golf!

Then the following day I went to visit my Auntie, whom I don't think I had seen in around fourteen years. There was a few reasons for that, but I decided to bite the bullet and reconnect with her again- which was good.

Which brings us on to this week. This week has been one of momentum and progression. I have been working on the bathroom floor (I wanted to figure out how to sand floors myself). Filling in the cracks between the floorboards, sanding the edges of the floor with a smaller sander, and preparing it to be varnished next week. The plasterer also came over and done the hallway, and I booked the joiner to come on Monday- the same day that I hire the drum and edge sanders again.

I spent almost in a year in a frozen state. Unable to find good tradesmen, and overwhelmed by everything that needed done- coupled with the intimidatory factor that I had no idea what I was doing with most things.

However, it's (usually) never as tough as you think. I have become an expert at stripping wallpaper, I have learned of the dangers of Asbestos in Artex ceilings (and ironically I enlightened the plasterer to this, who would sometimes just strip them for his customers), I have learned how to sand floors and fill in the cracks between the floorboards. I have learned to paint walls.

More importantly, I have learned that I cannot do everything. I have learned that, sometimes, it is best to hire the experts. I didn't even attempt to plaster any walls- I knew that was out of my skill range. I didn't bother doing (much) joinery- I left it to a guy trained in this field. And I sure as shit didn't touch any electrics or plumbing!

So by the end of this perhaps I will not be the well rounded, handy man that my grandfather would be proud of, but I have learned a lot.

And I have learned about the power of momentum.

Sometimes in poker in the past I would be having some anxiety before starting a session, but as soon as I started to play the anxiety would dissipate.

Conclusion? It's not really about the time or the length of the session that you are concerned about, it's starting.

This is exactly the same with home renovations. You can be so overwhelmed with everything that needs done that you go months without doing even one thing. But as soon as you commit to, for example, doing even one small thing per day, then you build momentum. You do the toughest thing- you start!

Soon you will realise that continuing is so much easier than starting.

Painting an entire wall is so much easier than going to the shop, buying the pain, the paintbrushes etc and put that first brushstroke (or roller stroke) on to the wall.

As soon as you do, you think- hey this isn't so difficult after all!

I was listening to a podcast named- The psychology of your twenties yesterday, and in it she mentioned how she and her friends will gamify mundane and boring chores around the house. She will play a game where her and her friend/family member will set a timer of ten minutes and clean up as much as they can in this ten minute period.

So today, with my house being a dump from moving things around, the dust from the plaster etc, I decided to give it a shot!

I set the timer to ten minutes and I done the toughest thing- I started!

Lo and behold after ten minutes I decided to keep going- let me just finish mopping this hallway. I done it again later on in the day too, and tidied up the living room.

This is actually an amazing little 'trick'. Because we are only committing to ten minutes, then it is relatively easy to do. But when we think to ourselves 'cleaning the house will take 3-4 hours' then we procrastinate. We don't want to start such an overwhelming task, so we leave it for another day.

However, the reality is we do not have to do everything at once. One small forward step every day will compound in to many thousands of steps over the years.

This forward momentum is giving me optimism. I am using ChatGPT to bounce ideas off (for example sell/rent/airbnb the flat), I am using it to explore visa options for Poland.

And weirdly enough, I am starting to enjoy working on the house. The other night I probably spent 3-4 hours up until after midnight putting acrylic filler in to the cracks in the bathroom floor (you want something that expands and contracts with wood, so don't use the oft recommended PVA/sawdust combo). Today was a chill day, so I just done some work in the garden and then removed a wooden board from above the front door that was hiding a nice glass panel.

The ball is rolling. My low point happened a few weeks ago. Life isn't perfect, nor will it ever be, but it is amazing the optimism you can get when you take that first step.

The first step is always the toughest one to take, the one that gives us sleepless nights, anxiety and a sense of overwhelm. But sometimes all we need to do is set that ten minute timer and FUCKING GO!

plasticelephant Hey mate, thanks for the comment!

1) Work isn't supposed to always be fun, or your passion.

Yes of course I realise that you will never find a job that you fully enjoy every day. We are obviously very fortunate in the sense that we have found a niche game where we can make a lot of money while often not even paying taxes- a game where (at least in the beginning) we were probably very passionate about.

However I would say that for the most part I have really enjoyed poker for the past (almost) twelve years as a professional. Of course there have been times where I have smashed keyboards, gone on downswings, swore to never play the game again, felt a lot of stress after a bad session or even experienced anxiety before playing a session.

But beneath all of that there was still a desire to play poker. I said a couple of years ago that I didn't feel like I had much time left in the game, and that last year would likely be my last as a 'full time' professional.

Even though my volume wasn't high last year (I didn't play many hands per hour due to lack of mixing sites) it was actually the most hours I had played in five years or so. I was consistently playing 3/4/5 days per week. Even on weeks when I didn't feel like playing I was getting in a couple of sessions.

This year, however, things have changed. No longer do I feel much of a desire to play. Now I could put that down to a couple of things- I am travelling more again (I was in Australia for a month and Poland for a couple weeks), I am trying to finish off as much of the house work as possible so I can put it up for sale and move, I am getting back in to dating again, I am exploring other potential side hustles/future careers (I just bought a camera).

Last year was a poker year. I hardly travelled and I put my social life on the back burner. I continued to live in a place that 100% doesn't suit my current needs, so that I could focus on poker for the remainder of the year (cos flat hunting takes a lotttt of time).

Last year was a year of sacrifice. I focused on poker, I finally got aligners for my teeth after years of procrastinating, I started taking weight gain seriously and have subsequently added on 7kg to my (previously) very skinny body.

I am no longer willing to sacrifice for some (potentially) utopian future where I am financially free.

I could literally get hit by a bus tomorrow and die.

But I don't think it's applicable to most winning 1knl players
situation. How often do you hear people say:

' I wish I hadn't worked so hard for 5 years to allow myself complete
freedom to pursue whatever I want for the rest of my life'

Yes but I have been working in this job for twelve years, not five years. I'd have been more than happy if it only took five years to achieve complete financial freedom lol.

I do get your point that if I were to, for example, dedicate myself to the game for the next five years then I could earn $1m+ and likely achieve financial freedom if I invest and rely on compound interest etc, however I just don't think I have it in me.

Of course our motivation will always wane at some point, but there is a big difference between having the discipline to turn up to the gym even when we don't feel like going (because it's Friday and we always go on a Friday) and forcing yourself to go to the gym 3x per week when you hate it and would literally rather be doing any other form of exercise.

Now I am not saying I hate poker, but this year (or at least in the past month or two) I just do not feel like playing. It's not a lack of motivation, it's just a complete disinterest in playing. Like trying to force a boy to play with a Barbie when all he wants is a hot wheels car.

Will this change in the coming months? Yes I think it might, but for now I can't continue to wake up every day feeling completely socially isolated and living in a place that I do not wish to live in, working on a house that I don't want any longer.

Perhaps once I have restored my social and happiness equilibrium then I will realise that I should focus on poker again and take your advice of trying to make as much money as possible before heading off in to the sunset.

Or maybe I will realise that I am definitely done and that even if its a moronic decision to turn down tax free profits, it will be a +EV one for my happiness and purpose in life.

Cos I have heard countless stories of top doctors, lawyers etc quitting their jobs at a young age when they don't have financial freedom either, and they definitely didn't seem like they regretted the decision.

There is a delicate balance to be had between daily happiness etc and delayed gratification. I don't think anyone can pretend to have the exact formula to what level of pain/misery we should tolerate for a future of 'happiness' that may never arise- we may either die or get seriously ill before then, or arrive at that point in the future only to realise that we are still unhappy, despite having financial freedom.

So while I may not be rich, I have still managed to accumulate a good amount of money that will, at the very least, enable me more freedom for the future- even if that does mean I have to pay taxes and have a 'normal' job at some point.

Tarantino method video

The Tarantino Method

I randomly stumbled across a video about this a month or so ago. I guess I had been watching some random self improvement videos, hence why I was recommended it in the first place.

Usually these types of videos can resonate in the moment, but by the next day you have completely forgotten about the idea. However, for some reason (perhaps its simplicity), the 'method' stuck in my mind.

At the time I was wasting so many hours in the day. I had become stuck in several aspects of my life, and had a long backlog on my to do list just waiting to be completed.

So I done what the video suggests- wait until the dead of night, write down a list of the things that you are doing wrong (in my case watching too much Youtube/Instagram, not reading enough, bare minimum Duolingo, being too passive in dating, looking too scruffy when I left the house etc) and then wrote out in the column next to them how to rectify these issues.

I am not going to lie and say my life has completely changed since then, but I have definitely noticed some forward trajectory and inertia in aspects of my life that I had kind of just put on the backburner. In the end I didn't write down 100 things (as I felt that was a little too much) but instead wrote down 25 things that I was doing wrong. As a result, this has brought these issues to the forefront of my mind and made them conscious- instead of unconscious thoughts pushed to the back of my mind in an attempt to ignore and forget about them.

Suddenly my problems are real and are staring me in the face, but so are the solutions!

I just got back from Poland yesterday. I was very lucky as they actually moved my outward flight forward 24 hours, meaning that I was entitled to a full refund for both flights. This was perfect as I only wanted to go for two weeks instead of the original month. I will likely head back out there in a month or two (or perhaps some place else) but I felt that two weeks was more than enough and now I can get on with fixing up the house and getting it on the market.

At the moment there are several key areas in my life that are in a state of flux- where do I want to live (Scotland or abroad), am I going to continue with poker or shift my focus elsewhere. Work and living destination are two of the biggest and most important aspects of anyone's lives, along with relationships (which I am also working on). So I guess it's a little overwhelming and daunting having literally no idea where I will be this time next year, and also what I will be doing.

Anyways my immediate focus is on the house and then I will take it from there. I will continue to focus on my Tarantino list and make my life as good as it can possibly be in the meantime, before I decide what is next for me in terms of living and working.

In the midst of chaos it is good to have some constants. Despite being on holiday I was able to get in two outdoor workouts per week. I would stumble across (and sometimes look up) outdoor gyms, and do sets of pullups, dips and pushups. Sometimes my mood would start to dip and then I knew it was a sign that I needed to workout. Then, after doing so, my equilibrium would be restored for the next couple of days at the very least.

I am excited to get back to the gym again, back to playing golf again and perhaps even playing some poker. The sessions are likely to continue to be sporadic.

I remember always questioning the likes of OTB and Educa poker for just seemingly upping sticks and quitting poker, despite being crushers and at the top of the game. However now I can understand where they were coming from.

Sometimes your passion for the game just slowly fades away. You may still love the game, but you just want to do something else. The urge to sit down and play is slowly replaced by a sense of dread and trepidation. You realise that this is not an occupation suitable for long term physical and mental health, it is more a means to win a lot of money in the short to medium term and then move on to do something else.

Of course there will always be exceptions, there will be guys playing online for 20-30 years at the same stake, making a consistent income and being able to balance a good social life while maintaining their physical and mental health simultaneously.

But then there are other guys like OTB, on top of the world and the best player in the world. All he needs to do to make millions per year is sit down in front of a computer and crush. He will never make anything like this sort of money in any other career that he chooses to go down.

Yet he stops showing up online. Every now and then you see him hopping in to the 500z pool. Why is a guy who was just playing $200/400 now playing a stake roughly the same as one of his big blinds at $40knl?

Because his love for the game remains, but his passion and drive has faded. He has made his millions and now he wishes to do something else in his life. Perhaps that is retire in Mexico on the beach, or perhaps that is to go back to University to study. Perhaps its to start a family or to become a full time bachelor- spending some of those Ivey millions in the process.

Then if all else fails, he can always come back to the game. He has developed a skillset that will always be replicable in the game. He might build up some rust, but he can always get back to the top and make millions again, if needs be.

Yet he doesn't.

He stops showing up in 500z. Maybe it's not only his passion for the game that has died now, but his love for it too. Maybe he has found a new game or career to put his heart and soul in to, and he is battling the proverbial Phil Ivey there as we speak.

Or maybe he is lying on the beach, margarita in hand and millions in the bank, living off his interest.

Who knows...

Dddogkillah Hey mate. Well pre flop it's not even a 3bet in these positions and at this stack depth. Even at 100bb it's only 3betting around 10% of the time (assuming a 3bet/fold strategy).

On the flop (assuming we take the 100bb ranges) then his raise is fine, but vs click back it's just a mega punt call. He has T high, no draw, OOP. He doesn't have the equity nor the position to call, even vs click back.

On the river I think he can jam, but the solver seems to think otherwise. Reason being is that I am supposed to just jam my hand ott lol. Doesn't really make much sense for me to jam my hand tho, as I basically just get called by better.

Anyways he is never supposed to have his hand past the flop so the hand kind of goes off the rails from there. I guess betting or checking otr are both fine.

Funny thing is my exact combo is almost pure click back on the flop :D His hand is losing 5bb as a call, so a very big punt.

Edit: Maybe I input slightly different stack sizes etc, cos before I am sure A4dd was only clicking back a quarter of the time and now it's almost pure. Anyways the main takeaway is that it's a good click back, regardless if it's almost pure or only sometimes.

IP clack back range

OOP continue range

RunItTw1ce Actually if you give IP the option to click back it does so with my exact combo around 20-25% of the time. So yes it is theory approved.

We can just call with the bdfd combos as they want to keep in his dominated bdfd's. So A4hh wants to keep in his random JThh etc. But my combo doesn't play very well ott as a call so I can click back as a pseudo value/bluff.

Good luck in Poland!

Thanks mate! What are your plans for this Summer?

Going for max value

Genuinely the worst line I've seen all year from a 'reg'

Guess I got max value here too :P